


Change everything

by queena_17



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Light Porn, M/M, like very light
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:00:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25907725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queena_17/pseuds/queena_17
Summary: A touch, a rub, a gesture, a word or a phrase; they can change everything."I love you too, Oikawa"Tooru has to make a long pause and sighs trying to stop the tears, but loses.A touch, a rub, a gesture, a word or a phrase; they can change everything.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 12
Kudos: 19





	Change everything

**Author's Note:**

> This was based on a fanart by @prologhe (twitter), which in turn was based on a tweet by @fufuakaashi (twitter).   
> Actually, only the end of the story was inspired by the fanart, so I'll leave the link at the end to avoid spoilers. Also, this is my first story in english, it's not my native language so I apologize if there are errors.

It’s curious. A touch, a rub, a gesture, a word or a phrase; it can change everything.

‘’I love you, I love you, I’m in love with you, I’m so-‘’

Oikawa isn’t able to continue because he has Iwaizumi’s lips moving against his and suddenly his back hits the wooden door, causing it to shut loudly due to the rudeness which his best friend clings to him. The brunet’s head is spinning, a mix between alcohol and Iwaizumi’s tongue, which seems to intoxicate him until it makes him shiver. His world is now Iwaizumi. His heart throbs so fast Oikawa fears the other one may be able to feel every heartbeat hitting his chest muscles. Maybe it was pointless. Yeah. Honestly it was pointless because, anyway, he now just confessed to his best friend in the middle of a college party, in the room of a complete stranger, and with many drinks, more than necessary. It was pointless because Iwaizumi was not only just kissing him, he was devouring him. His hand traveled and wandered desperate all over Oikawa’s body, as if his body was elaborating the implicit dialogue: _I need you too, I’ve been waiting for this as long as you have._ It was pointless because there was no turning back and Oikawa had long since dropped into the deep spiral that was living in love with Iwaizumi Hajime.

Then, if it was pointless and if everything was already said; if that evening meant a starting point, a before and after in both life’s. Why did Oikawa wake up alone in the room of his best friend’s small apartment? He was surrounded by Iwaizumi. His clothes, his books, his fragrance, all his belongings were there, but there seemed to be no trace of the man in question. The childish and hopeful part of Oikawa tried to cheer him up, telling him that maybe, just maybe… Iwa had gone to get them some breakfast? _Iwa-chan, so considerate!_

Oikawa considered that two hours were more than enough to resign, take his things and get out. He thought about sending a text message and asking for an explanation, but his phone had run out of battery overnight and intuition told him that it was best to give Iwaizumi some space. He had to be positive, right? Maybe he got scared, Tooru understood. He had never had difficulties with his sexual orientation, his parents, his friends, his companions and, of course, his best friend knew it.

Iwaizumi, on the other hand, came from a home that used offensive terms that Tooru preferred not to repeat. Iwa-chan would never refer to him like that, ever! He always accepted him, Shittykawa was still Shittykawa, gay or not. Tooru knew that Iwa-chan was not the kind of person who judged others for that sort of thing, so the lump in his stomach had not been due to fear of rejection because of his orientation, but rather thanks to the certainty that Iwaizumi was straight, always had been, and always would be. Or at least he would fake it, exactly as he did after Oikawa visited him a couple of days later after that night.

"Wow, I drank so much I don't even remember how I got home." Iwaizumi's smile faltered for a moment, Oikawa knew it was bullshit and more bullshit that came out of his mouth. "Seriously, after playing beer pong everything disappeared, it was the worst hangover of my life"

With a heavy heart, Oikawa offered him a smile that Iwaizumi immediately recognized as fake. But he wouldn't say anything, he couldn't say anything. Oikawa lied too: "Yes, mine too, everything hurts so much, you have no idea" Well, it wasn't exactly a lie.

-

What indeed was a lie, was the promise that followed: "We’ll never drink like that again, never, never again." The pact lasted just a couple of weeks before they drank a bottle of tequila, shared just between the two of them. The party was loud and bursting with people. They tried to start taking shots slowly but as the summer night wore on, the temperature rose and soon the pair knew that the decision to start sipping the alcohol from the bottle was an unspoken sign that the other night had to be repeated or they would both lose their minds. This time Iwaizumi locked them in the bathroom on the second floor and took him desperately. Oikawa, with his palms spread out on the sink mirror and arms outstretched, tried not to take his eyes off his best friend's face as he sank into him desperately and gasping. When they finished, Oikawa clung to him in a clumsy attempt to stop the raven, to make him accept the situation this time, but he simply avoided his grasp and rushed out. Oikawa dropped against the door that had just closed, outside he could hear Iwaizumi talking to Hanamaki and Matsukawa, laughing as if nothing had happened.

-

Oikawa felt like an idiot for playing along with Iwaizumi’s little game of alcohol amnesia. In his defense, he did so because that was the only way he seemed to be able to get a piece of Iwaizumi for at least one night. Sometimes it would be fast, other times he would wake up and he would simply have vanished, and then appear after days pretending nothing had happened.

And so, Tooru's small confession had resulted in a series of encounters that would take the brunet to heaven and then stamp him against the concrete when it was over. He couldn't even muster up the courage to face his best friend and ask him what they were. Oikawa had said that he loved him, why couldn't Iwaizumi love him back?

Until now, each time they had sex, happened with a lot of alcohol involved. This was the first time that Tooru had approached a completely sober Iwaizumi. The brunet had him trapped between his body and the sofa, sitting on the man's thighs. Almost a year had passed since that first time, maybe time was what helped Tooru gather the necessary courage and kiss him in the middle of a generic conversation about what they would do after they graduated from university. Although Hajime initially tried to feign surprise and reject him, Tooru used all his weight and strength to melt them into a kiss that Iwaizumi desperately accepted within a few seconds. Definitely being in Iwaizumi's arms without alcohol in his blood was a thousand times better. Sadly, the sunrise the next day would mark the end of a night too good to be true. At least that's what Iwaizumi tried to do, but Tooru snapped at him with a bitter laugh.

"Enough, you have no way to pretend, you have nowhere to run"

Iwaizumi stood up with his back to him and pulled on his pants; when he finished fastening them Tooru took him by the arm and forced Iwaizumi to look at him. "I'm here. I'm literally sitting on your bed, what are you gonna do now? Pretend to pass out? Run out? Throw yourself out the window? ”

"Don't give me any ideas, Shittywaka." He jerked his arm away, Tooru wrapped the sheet as best he could around his body as he continued to stumble down the hall, following his friend.

"Oh my god" Oikawa burst into a dark laugh. "You- shit, is that ... how hard is it to love me?" Iwaizumi froze in place and the brunet stopped for a moment, but decided to continue: “Are you really that ashamed of loving someone like me? I don’t get it. Am I not enough? What do I have to do? Am I not worthy or...? ” He took his head and shook a few brown strands into his fist in an unconscious attempt to retain the accumulation of emotions that piled up in the pit of his stomach and that gradually rose, threatening to shoot out in pathetic declarations of love, sad requests, in a painful imploration of correspondence. "Iwa-chan ..." The brunet's voice cracked. "I-I can't take it anymore, please, please..." He covered his mouth to try to silence the sobs that escaped him but he stopped when Iwaizumi turned around with his cheeks soaked and his lips pressed together in a line. "I-I'm in love with you. You know. You know I love you, please, please... "

"Oikawa" was the only thing Iwaizumi could pronounce. He took a few seconds to inhale the air necessary to stop his chest from hurting, it didn't work anyway. "We can’t"

"Do you love me or not?"

A touch, a rub, a gesture, a word or a phrase; they can change everything...

"Yes"

Oikawa has no time to process it and when he extends his arms towards Iwaizumi, his friend takes a step back.

"But we can’t. Sorry. I-I can’t..."

"Coward" Finally Oikawa's rage shoots up and he starts shooting at point-blank range. "Coward, you are a fucking coward. C’mon, Iwa, give me the excuse number five hundred and fifty-three, I know that’ll be followed by excuse five hundred and fifty-four and so on to infinity. ”

"Oikawa-‘’ The dark-haired man tries to interrupt him.

"No!" Tooru points an index finger at him, as if he could just pierce him with the gesture. “You’ve always had me and I know you love me too. If you have any problem then say it. What is it that fucking bothers you? Do I embarrass you? Are you afraid of your parents? Why can't I be enough for you? Why-?''

"Oikawa, I'm leaving Japan." Iwaizumi had to raise his voice a little to silence his friend. A pair of chocolate-colored orbs stared at him without blinking, frozen. He decided to continue. "Sorry. A couple of months ago I got a letter from California. I'll be able to do my degree there, you know it's important to me, I tried to tell you yesterday but you kissed me and-‘’ He sighed, long and hard. "I know I should have said it anyway, I didn't know how..." Oikawa looked back at him with a frown and completely watery eyes. "Sorry. I was a coward at the beginning, I am so sorry. Then I found out about this and, I don't know, I think I knew then that it didn't matter, this wasn't going to work between the two of us anyway, I'll be out for years’’

"Are you leaving forever?"

"I don’t know. I honestly don't know, we've always said we have to do what's best for ourselves, right? I could go alone to study and then return, I could be abroad ten years, I could stay there the rest of my life. ”

"But-"

"You deserve someone who’ll always there for you"

"I’ll go with you," he declared hastily. “Everything has a solution. Don't make this an excuse not to face the fact that you and I can be real. ”

"I'm not-"

"Iwa-chan, look at me" Iwaizumi did not know when he had closed his eyes, as if that way he could avoid the pain. Oikawa took his face in both hands and spoke softly to him. "Don’t run away. Let me go with you. Please-''

“You just got a job here, you love this city, you don't even know english. Don't say things just because, Shittykawa. ”

"Iwa-chan, you can't leave me, you can't go"

Oikawa did not know why he was trying, Iwaizumi's eyes told him that the decision had already been made and that, for the first time in their lives, Tooru would not be part of this new stage in Hajime's life.

-

A touch, a rub, a gesture, a word or a phrase; they can change everything.

"Hello?" Iwaizumi answered the phone almost instantly. He was slightly surprised to hear Hanamaki's voice on the other side.

"Good morning, you're not busy, are you?"

"Eh? God, isn't it early morning there? No offense, but why would you call at this time?’’ His mind traveled fast to Oikawa, had something bad happened? ‘’Shit, did something happen? Something bad happened? Is Oikawa alright? ”

In the background he heard a lot of noise and, although it took a while, he managed to recognize Matsukawa on the other line as well.

"Surprise! Oh, Iwa, don't be paranoid, we’re fine, we are all fine, I mean in case you are interested in us others, not just Oikawa”

"Hey, Iwa-chan, will you come get us?" It was the first time that Iwaizumi had heard his best friend's voice in quite a few weeks. At first the communication had been very fluid, but soon they both were caught up in the demands of adult life and the calls progressively decreased.

"Oikawa! W-what? What are you talking about? Where-?''

“Iwa-chan, put that pair of neurons to work, come on! Make the effort. ” His friend scoffed.

"Shittykawa I swear I'm going to fucking hit you"

"Well, hurry up before I decide it's better to go back to Japan"

Iwaizumi did not consider himself a reckless driver, but the adrenaline got the better of the occasion and he was at the airport gate receiving his friends as fast as he could. He enjoyed the most comforting group hug of his life and, against all odds, didn't complain too much about his friends' stupid talk on the way home.

"I considered you guys to be idiots, but not enough to be serious"

"Well, we weren't kidding when we said it's sad to spend the holidays alone, so we decided to save some money and here we are," Hanamaki replied.

"I wanted to visit California anyway, don't feel so special, Iwaizumi" Matsukawa added.

"Iwa-chan, don't pretend you didn't miss us, you can stop playing tough now"

Iwaizumi couldn't contradict him this time so he just smiled without taking his eyes off the road.

-

"I missed you" Kiss. "I missed you" Kiss. "I missed you, Iwa-chan" Kiss. "I missed you so much."

A couple of glasses of wine were enough to bring down their defenses and to soften all the time of tension, long-distance fights and accumulated resentment. It wasn't like years ago when they needed to be completely drunk. They were already adults. The wine was a simple courtesy. The cards were on the table - figuratively - and they were on the bed – literally-.

Iwaizumi was reassured by the idea that his friends had already left for Japan the night before, while Oikawa had stayed for a couple of days more so that no one could hear the moans and gasps of both, nor the curses and dirty words that came from their mouths, nor the gnashing of the bed, nor the head of the bed banging against the wall over and over again with each push and movement.

Stirred and covered in a light layer of sweat, they remained entangled in each other's arms after _meeting again_ for a long time. When Oikawa was able to calm his breathing, he shook Iwaizumi with great force as he buried his face in the gap between his head and neck.

"I missed you," the dark-haired man declared.

"Me too, Iwa-chan. I'm glad I stayed a little longer” He laughed. “I really needed you just for me. A week has really gone by too fast.”

A week with Oikawa and Hajime felt in heaven. Had so little time really passed? He didn't want to break the spell.

The next day, they found themselves cuddling on the couch, watching movies, as if it were routine. Oikawa was wearing Iwaizumi’s sweater and looked kind of sad knowing he would be leaving in a few hours.

"I'm glad you stayed a little longer"

"You admit you like me being here then"

"Oikawa, you know that" He smiled at him stroking some brown locks.

"Mmm..." Oikawa seemed to hesitate for a few seconds, but finally brightened up "And would you like to have me here always?" Iwaizumi replied raising eyebrow, a bit surprised. "Iwa-chan ... do you plan to return? Japan is your home after all”

"This is also my home now"

"But-"

"I still don't know, it's possible, ok?" He clucked his tongue in disgust at the way the conversation was heading. "Can we just... not talk about it now?"

"I could stay here with you"

"Oikawa, I know perfectly well that you borrowed money to come here, you are already getting into debt and moving is not just whatever"

"If only you would listen..."

"I will not listen to fantasy plans"

"Or you don't want to hear me because it's easier to run away again. As usual. Classic Iwaizumi Hajime”

"Enough"

"Face it"

"Shittykawa, I'm warning you."

A touch, a rub, a gesture, a word or a phrase; they can change everything.

"God! Iwa, when are you going to ask me to stay? ”

"You can't stay, that's clear"

"I mean next to you! By your side, Iwa, I wanna be by your side. I don't care where, here, in Japan, on Mars, wherever you want, I just wanna be with you”

"Oikawa, we've already talked about this."

"And all this is what? Is it just fucking? I'm crazy? Tell me cause I'm seriously starting to lose my mind. ”

"No, you know it’s not like that, but it's complicated-"

"Is it really complicated or are _you_ complicated? You always have some excuse, some new plan-"

"Oikawa, I should call and get you a taxi now."

"What?" The brunet burst as he got up from the chair. His face was red with anger. "Are you fucking serious?" He almost hissed the words.

Iwaizumi took out his phone and opened an application to request the taxi service, the suitcases were ready anyway.

"Don’t be a jerk! Don't call me a taxi! ” Oikawa slammed the phone down with his hand. Iwaizumi took his wrist, he felt angry but nothing compared to the fury in the chocolate eyes. How the hell did they end up like this? Why did things have to happen that way? There was no nice way to say it.

A touch, a rub, a gesture, a word or a phrase; they can change everything.

"Oikawa, I'm dating someone"

-

Throughout his life, Oikawa had received many hits from Iwaizumi. His friend was rough and had a difficult temperament, so he was used to it. It was funny that the emotional bumps were the ones that really hit his bones and despite the years, they hurt like they just happened. "I was so drunk, I don't remember anything" "This doesn't mean anything, we're still just friends" "I'm leaving Japan" "You can't stay" "I'm dating someone" "I'm leaving California, I'm going back to Japan" "Nothing has changed between you and me, Oikawa, ‘m sorry’’

The screen of his phone lights up, the device vibrates on the nightstand and Oikawa takes it. It’s very late, but he’s already used to these calls.

"You're drunk calling me again, Iwa-chan"

"S-so what?" Answers the voice on the other side. "I don't see the problem..." Iwaizumi drags on the words.

Oikawa feels pathetic looking at the framed picture on his nightstand, a photo of him and his best friend, both smiling children looking at the camera. "You know you hurt me. Iwa... I love you, I love you. Please stop calling me this late, not like this, it’s worse. ”

A touch, a rub, a gesture, a word or a phrase; they can change everything.

"I love you too, Oikawa"

Tooru has to make a long pause and sighs trying to stop the tears, but loses.

A touch, a rub, a gesture, a word or a phrase; they can change everything.

"Iwaizumi, you have a wife."

Iwaizumi watches the blurry image of his golden ring on the bar table, right next to his half-empty glass. He doesn’t know if this time he’ll have the necessary courage. Inhale and exhale. He repeats: "I love you, Tooru" He pauses but before continuing, he hears the beep on the other end of the line, indicating that Oikawa has already hung up. "I'm sorry," he murmurs to the wind.

It's curious. A touch, a rub, a gesture, a word or a phrase; they could have changed everything.

**Author's Note:**

> Link to the fanart by the beautiful and talented @prologhe https://twitter.com/prologhe/status/1283788943947755523 Again, this story was inspired by this lovely piece.


End file.
